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Woman’s outrageous act to catch cheating partner

<p dir="ltr">A woman has issued a desperate plea online for someone to help her catch her cheating boyfriend in the act. </p> <p dir="ltr">The Sydney woman, named Ariana, listed a job on the site Airtasker for someone to drive her to the suburb of Five Dock to catch her boyfriend, who she suspected was having an affair. </p> <p dir="ltr">She asked the potential driver to sit with her in the car for a few hours, in exchange for $350. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I need someone to drive me and a friend to Five Dock and sit in the car with us for a few hours so I can try and catch my cheating boyfriend,” she wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">The ad, which was posted just before Valentine’s Day, quickly went viral and received mixed reactions. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The way I would do this for free,” one person said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Wow, who would've thought of putting it on Airtasker! This is genius,” another wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">However, some people didn't see the point of going through so much trouble and wasting $350. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This never makes sense to me - if you don't trust him, just leave. The relationship is dead regardless of if he is cheating,” a woman said.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite garnering massive attention online, it is not known if Ariana’s stealthy operation was a success, or if she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Facebook</em></p>

Relationships

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"Am I being too sensitive?": Woman's dilemma after partner forgets 60th birthday

<p>A woman has shared her dilemma on how to approach her partner of 30 years, after he forgot her 60th birthday. </p> <p>"It's my 60th birthday today, and my partner of 30 years has not acknowledged it. Should I tell him?" she titled her post on Reddit. </p> <p>"It's my actual birthday today, and whilst we have planned a big party for next weekend, when I woke up this morning I expected a 'Happy Birthday!' and a smile," she continued. </p> <p>"I didn't get anything. He started my coffee but he does that almost every morning.</p> <p>"At first I thought maybe he forgot but now I am thinking that he thinks he doesn't have to say anything because we are having a big party this weekend. </p> <p>"Am I being too sensitive? Should I tell him? If so, how?" she asked in her post. </p> <p>Hundreds of Reddit users took to the comments to share their thoughts on how to approach the situation, with a few sharing crafty solutions of their own. </p> <p>"I'd make a joke of it. 'I can't believe they moved my birthday!' Or 'I saw on the TV we should ask easy questions to check for dementia- I'll ask you first, when's my birthday?'" one user playfully suggested. </p> <p>"I'm going to say the absolute minimum I'd expect for ANY birthday is my wife wishing me a Happy Birthday. Don't let it fester and ruin your day - just ask him about it" another added. </p> <p>One user saw the bright side of things and said:  "He's handed you the best birthday present of all - the opportunity to use this against him for the next twenty years.</p> <p>"I'd be rubbing my hands with glee. Happy Birthday!" </p> <p>"Happy Birthday. Go out and buy a large cake. Eat it all yourself. Nobody need ever know" to which she responded: "there is a Costco not that far away. Go big or go home." </p> <p>Another Redditor came up with an elaborate plan on how she could get her partner's attention. </p> <p>"Purchase this 'Acknowledge Me' t-shirt of WWE wrestle Roman Reigns. Then write 'Birthday' on a piece of card and use some tape to stick on the t-shirt. 'Acknowledge Me Birthday.' Then just wear it around the house," they said. </p> <p>The woman was onboard with the plan, but luckily she didn't need to apply any of their crafty solutions and shared an update. </p> <p>"He just came up to my home office and gave me a big hug, admitting he had forgotten because he was so focussed on both work and next weekend's party," she wrote. </p> <p>"He apologised sheepishly, which was exactly the best outcome possible. Now I have both my birthday acknowledged as well as a fine story and/or bit of ammo to be saved for another day.</p> <p>"So there you go. I've cancelled the 'acknowledge me' t-shirt order, and shall now share my Costco cake with him instead of eating it from across the table, glaring.</p> <p>"Thank you everyone for the very fine passive aggressive suggestions which made me smile. Much appreciated!"</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p> <p> </p>

Relationships

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More than a third of people with dementia don’t know they have it – what to do if you suspect your partner has the condition

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-irving-1493654">Kate Irving</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/dublin-city-university-1528">Dublin City University</a></em></p> <p>Around <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-67613465">36% of people</a> in England with dementia are unaware they have the condition, according to a new report from the Dementia Commission.</p> <p><a href="https://chamberuk.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/231127-Dementia-Commission-Report-Embargoed.pdf">The report</a> suggests things health and care professionals can do to improve spotting early signs of dementia. But what can you do if you think your partner has the condition? And how can you broach the topic with them?</p> <p>If you are worried about your partner having dementia, here are some useful things to know.</p> <p>Dementia is a term for a range of diseases (for example, Alzheimer’s) which develop over time (months and years) and cause problems with memory and reasoning, communication, changes in personality and a reduction in a person’s ability to carry out daily activities, such as shopping, washing, paying bills or cooking.</p> <p>Dementia can present very differently in each person, so it’s about knowing what’s normal for your loved one. A person who has always been conscientious and organised starting to unravel is very different from a scatterbrained person just being slightly more scatterbrained.</p> <p>Grief and stress can affect memory yet not be the start of dementia. But they can also mask the start of dementia: we call this “diagnostic over-shadowing”.</p> <p>There are also age-related changes to cognition. For example, we take longer to learn when we get older. But a one-off event – no matter how dramatic – is not necessarily dementia. It’s about looking for a pattern of decline.</p> <p>If you see these changes happen in a short space of time (weeks or days) it is unlikely to be dementia and could be something more serious. This requires urgent investigation by a doctor.</p> <h2>Greatest fear</h2> <p>Dementia is one of the greatest fears of our age. The horror of perceived loss of self can cause people to avoid discussing the issue, discussing it in an unhelpful way (such as criticising or inadvertently humiliating) or discussing it with other relatives, but not the person they are noticing changes in.</p> <p>Over time, this can cause a lack of trust to develop. Discussing memory problems openly with the person at the point of a memory failure or if they raise the concern is best. Of course, it takes courage and makes us face our own vulnerability.</p> <p>Sometimes the person will be in denial or lack insight into the memory problems (this can be a symptom of dementia, but isn’t always). If someone raises a concern about their memory issues, I would urge you not to minimise this, as it probably took courage to admit their concerns.</p> <p>I heard a relative say to my mother: “Oh, you left the pot on the stove. I lost the car in the multistory the other day.” My mother had dementia – the relative did not.</p> <p>If they are adamant that they do not have concerns, this is harder to deal with. One approach is to say: “I know you are not concerned, but I am concerned and I wonder if you would see a doctor to ease my worries?”</p> <p>Also explaining that memory problems can at least to some extent have reversible causes means a visit to the doctor to at least rule these out is an important step. It may also be encouraging to say to the person: “If there is something with your memory that will get worse over time, would you want to know?” (Most people <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2408568/">answer yes</a> to this).</p> <h2>Seeing a GP</h2> <p>If your partner agrees to visit a GP, it is helpful to prepare by filling in a diary for a week with the kind of memory (or other) problems experienced, what was happening at the time and the effect of the memory failure. This can be shared with a GP to help them to understand the issues.</p> <p>When people hear even the suggestion of the word dementia, they are faced with the uncertainties of what will become of them, of what they will lose, what they can keep up and where they will end up. These uncertainties are often shared with family members. But research shows that positive aspects of timely diagnosis <a href="https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/symptoms/diagnosis/early-diagnosis.asp">outweigh fears</a> over time.</p> <p>At the same time, there are often ongoing stresses to do with memory impairments or confusion. With these stresses, everyday life can be troublesome, family relationships can suffer, and people can find it difficult to be supportive of each other.</p> <p>Being honest and open is the best policy. Stating that we are in this together, I want to help, let’s meet whatever happens head on, can help. If a person becomes resistant, it may be there is another family member who might better assist the person.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/219172/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-irving-1493654"><em>Kate Irving</em></a><em>, Professor of Clinical Nursing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/dublin-city-university-1528">Dublin City University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/more-than-a-third-of-people-with-dementia-dont-know-they-have-it-what-to-do-if-you-suspect-your-partner-has-the-condition-219172">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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"Devastated": James Morrison's partner dies aged 45

<p>British singer James Morrison is grappling with the heartbreaking news of the sudden death of his partner, Gill Catchpole, as <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-67910325" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reported by the BBC</a>.</p> <p>Catchpole, 45, who had been in a relationship with the renowned hitmaker since their teenage years, was discovered lifeless on Friday at her residence in Gloucestershire, UK.</p> <p>Authorities have issued a statement indicating that the coroners and the woman's next of kin have been informed. While her death is currently labeled as "non-suspicious", the details surrounding the tragedy remain undisclosed.</p> <p>The couple, who had been together since their youth, leaves behind two daughters. Morrison, 39, has not yet made any public statements regarding the news, and his latest Instagram post from a recording studio only days before the incident hinted at new beginnings and adventures for the year.</p> <p>In the face of this tragedy, followers flooded Morrison's Instagram comments section to offer their condolences and support to the grief-stricken singer. The outpouring of sympathy from fans reflects the deep connection that Morrison has forged with his audience over the years through his soulful music.</p> <p>Morrison, originally from Warwickshire, rose to fame with hits like "You Give Me Something" and "Broken Strings". Despite his success in the music industry, Morrison has faced significant personal losses in recent years, having lost his father, brother and nephew within a span of three years.</p> <p>According to reports from <em>The Sun</em>, Morrison is described as "devastated" by the untimely passing of Catchpole. The couple's enduring connection, from their challenging beginnings to the shared joy of raising a family, has become a poignant chapter in Morrison's life.</p> <p>In a previous interview on the White Wine Question Time podcast, Morrison nostalgically shared the story of how he and Catchpole first crossed paths. Their initial encounter occurred when she moved in with her then-boyfriend as a lodger in Morrison's mother's house. Despite the unconventional start, Morrison considered it a romantic tale, describing their journey as a "little fairy tale".</p> <p>As the news of Gill Catchpole's passing reverberates through the music world and beyond, James Morrison's supporters join him in mourning the loss of a loved one and offering their heartfelt condolences during this difficult time.</p> <p><em>Images: Facebook / Instagram</em></p>

Caring

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Body language expert breaks down royal family's Christmas card

<p>A body language expert has broken down the subtle meanings and messages hidden in the royal family's Christmas card. </p> <p>On Monday, Prince William and Kate Middleton shared their 2023 Christmas card portrait, which features the Prince and Princess of Wales and their three children in a charming black and white photo. </p> <p>While their family portrait was met with <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/blah-brutal-reactions-to-royal-family-s-2023-christmas-card" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mixed reactions</a>, royal fans wasted no time in praising the family for their charming photo. </p> <p>Now, body language experts have dived deep into the real meaning behind almost unnoticeable actions taken by the royals in the pic. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0pf0IXNv15/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0pf0IXNv15/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by The Prince and Princess of Wales (@princeandprincessofwales)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Body language analyst Judi James told <em><a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/royals/24997829/kate-william-christmas-card-body-language-signal/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" data-ylk="slk:The Sun;elm:context_link;itc:0" data-rapid_p="26" data-v9y="1">The Sun</a></em> that, "The strong sense of tight, loving ‘uniformed’ grouping and the stark monochrome, plus the relaxed and confident body language looks like the emotional equivalent of them having a moat and drawbridge around them."</p> <p>Judi went on to say that their choice of relaxed outfits - jeans and white button-up shirts - would be an intentional choice as they show "the strength and total confidence of the pared-down family brand here, without all the trimmings and trappings of their royal status."</p> <p>As she notes, "We know they look superb in formalwear and royal regalia but this is the casual and much more relatable version."</p> <p>Judi also claims that Prince William's slight head tilt "suggests a desire to be liked", while "Kate leans into William’s torso to make this a subtly romantic pose too."</p> <p>Meanwhile, according to Judi, the position of Princess Charlotte right in the middle of the family could be intentional, who says "Charlotte looks so much like the late Queen and this central status-rich pose and beautiful smile are like echoes of Elizabeth when she was young."</p> <p>"This effect doesn’t look deliberate but it is still a rather moving message from this family Christmas card."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Body

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Body language expert analyses Hugh Jackman's last public outings with his wife

<p>A body language expert has analysed the last public outings of Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness before they <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/hugh-jackman-devastated-after-marriage-split" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announced their split</a> after 27 years of marriage. </p> <p>The couple were spotted at both the Met Gala in New York and Wimbledon in the UK earlier this year, seemingly looking like a perfect loved-up couple. </p> <p>However, Aussie body language expert Louise Mahler said there could be more than meets the eye at their public outings. </p> <p>“These are two people so well rehearsed at being with each other. They lean in together, they move in unison,” Mahler told <a href="https://7news.com.au/entertainment" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link-type="article-inline"><em>7Life</em>.</a></p> <p>Assessing footage from their joint appearance at the Met Gala in May 2023, Mahler noticed that “at one point in the video Hugh goes to walk away and she briefly pulls him back and he stops with no hesitation”.</p> <p>“There is no giveaway whatsoever... and remember, they are both actors."</p> <p>“They are working as a team and showing total harmony.”</p> <p>However, Mahler went on to assess a specific moment from the Met Gala where the couple were gazing at one another head-on.</p> <p>“I’m going to speculate that he has left her because he’s looking at her quickly,” she said.</p> <p>“He still loves her but he’s moving on."</p> <p>“And what I see from her is, ‘I get that you’re moving on, you b******, but I will allow this’,” Mahler speculated about Furness’ body language.</p> <p>Two months after their Met Gala appearance, the couple attended Wimbledon to sit side by side and watch the game. </p> <p>Mahler acknowledged that they looked “a little cranky” but said that they were concentrated on the game and likely had cameras on them “for a long time”.</p> <p>“I don’t see that they’re pulling away from each other in any way,” she said.</p> <p>“In fact, their arms are touching the full length. This is a couple who have been together for 30 years, they know each other. I would say they still love each other, but they’re deciding to go their separate ways.”</p> <p>The Hollywood couple shocked the world on Saturday when they released a statement confirming their separation after being married for 27 years.</p> <p>“We have been blessed to share almost three decades together as husband and wife in a wonderful, loving marriage,” Jackman and Furness told <em><a href="https://people.com/hugh-jackman-and-deborra-lee-jackman-separate-exclusive-7970286" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-link-type="article-inline">People</a></em>.</p> <p>“Our journey now is shifting and we have decided to separate to pursue our individual growth."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

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Sandra Bullock mourns the passing of her longtime partner after private illness

<p>Hollywood star Sandra Bullock's beloved partner, Bryan Randall, has passed away at the age of 57, with the heart-wrenching news confirmed by his grieving family in a statement shared on Monday.</p> <p>“It is with great sadness that we share that on Aug. 5, Bryan Randall passed away peacefully after a three-year battle with ALS,” the statement read.</p> <p>“Bryan chose early to keep his journey with ALS private and those of us who cared for him did our best to honour his request. We are immensely grateful to the tireless doctors who navigated the landscape of this illness with us and to the astounding nurses who became our roommates, often sacrificing their own families to be with ours. At this time we ask for privacy to grieve and to come to terms with the impossibility of saying goodbye to Bryan.”</p> <p>The statement was signed with a poignant, "His Loving Family".</p> <p>Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, is a merciless neurological affliction that ravages  motor neurons that command delicate voluntary muscle movement. Regrettably, there is currently no remedy for the condition.</p> <p>Bullock, aged 59, crossed paths with model-turned-photographer <span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Randall </span><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">when he was summoned to capture her son Louis’ birthday celebration in the early days of 2015. Their connection was immediate and profound.</span></p> <p>The mother-of-two, and an actress who has fiercely guarded her privacy over the years, chose to unveil fragments of her relationship's intimacy during a candid appearance on Red Table Talk in 2021.</p> <p>“I found the love of my life. We share two beautiful children — three children, [Randall’s] older daughter. It’s the best thing ever,” Bullock said at the time.</p> <p>“I don’t wanna say do it like I do it, but I don’t need a paper to be a devoted partner and devoted mother … I don’t need to be told to be ever present in the hardest of times. I don’t need to be told to weather a storm with a good man.”</p> <p>She added that Randall was also a superb “example” to her two children: “He’s the example that I would want my children to have... <span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">I have a partner who’s very Christian and there are two different ways of looking at things. I don’t always agree with him, and he doesn’t always agree with me. But he is an example even when I don’t agree with him... </span>I’m stubborn but sometimes I need to sit back and listen and go, ‘You’re saying it differently but we mean exactly the same thing.’</p> <p>“It’s hard to co-parent because I just want to do it myself.”</p> <p>"He was so happy, but he was scared. I'm a bulldozer. My life was already on the track, and here's this beautiful human being who doesn't want anything to do with my life but the right human being to be there."</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Caring

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What is a relationship ‘boundary’? And how do I have the boundary conversation with my partner?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p>Text messages showing actor Jonah Hill asking his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady to consider a dot point list of relationship “boundaries” have sparked an important conversation.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady accuses him of emotional abuse.</p> <p>🔗: <a href="https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT">https://t.co/LwSnkpnehT</a> <a href="https://t.co/3B6I86uwNV">pic.twitter.com/3B6I86uwNV</a></p> <p>— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) <a href="https://twitter.com/PopCrave/status/1677755077249859586?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 8, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p>Two different interpretations of these texts are dominating the discussion.</p> <p>Some have understood Hill’s dot points as a reasonable set of relationship expectations or “preferences” for a partner. Others see Hill’s list of relationship deal-breakers as a controlling behaviour.</p> <p>So what is a relationship “boundary” and how do you have this conversation with your partner?</p> <h2>What are relationship boundaries?</h2> <p>Boundaries are personal and influenced by one’s values. They can be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual and cultural.</p> <p>The purpose of creating, understanding and respecting boundaries is to ensure one’s mental health and well-being are protected. Used well, they can keep relationships healthy and safe.</p> <p>Setting boundaries can also reinforce values and priorities important to you.</p> <h2>Some ‘boundaries’ are controlling and go too far</h2> <p>That said, relationship boundaries can become unsafe for the people involved. Some cross the line into coercive control.</p> <p>For instance, one might be able to justify to themselves they need to know where their partner is at all times, monitor their communications and keep tabs on their partner’s friendships because they just want to keep their partner safe.</p> <p>But these are not boundaries; this is coercive control.</p> <p>If your partner is describing these as their relationship boundaries, you should feel comfortable to say you are not OK with it. You should also feel comfortable explaining what boundaries you need to set for yourself and your relationship to feel safe.</p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01639625.2017.1304801">research</a> has found that even cyberstalking offenders might struggle to acknowledge how their behaviour can be perceived as intrusive by their partner. They may also have trouble understanding how it contributed to their break-up.</p> <p>My research on how people can sabotage their own relationships revealed a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0#Tab1">lack of relationship skills</a> is often a key factor in relationship issues.</p> <p>The same <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/abs/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199">research</a> highlighted how people who fear their relationship is at risk can end up indulging in controlling behaviours such as partner monitoring, tracking how a partner spends their money and emotional manipulation.</p> <p>In other words, people can sometimes employ unhealthy behaviours with the intention of keeping their partner but end up pushing them away.</p> <h2>Understanding partner and relationship expectations</h2> <p>We might have a vision in mind of an “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.91.4.662">ideal partner</a>”. But it’s highly improbable one person can ever meet such high standards.</p> <p>Rigid partner and relationship standards, just like unreasonable boundaries, can cause distress, hopelessness and resentment.</p> <p>So healthy romantic relationships need clear communication and negotiation. Sometimes, that involves being flexible and open to hearing what the other person has to say about your proposed boundaries.</p> <p>Relationship boundaries are a life skill that needs constant learning, practice and improvement.</p> <h2>Having a conversation about healthy relationship boundaries</h2> <p>Some mistakenly believe having any relationship boundaries at all is unreasonable or a form of abuse. That’s not the case.</p> <p>In my <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research</a> on relationship sabotage, many people spoke about how being able to clearly communicate and set relationship expectations has helped them maintain their relationships over the long term and dispel <a href="https://scholarworks.uni.edu/facpub/1397/">unrealistic</a> standards.</p> <p>Communicating expectations can also help people deal with common relationship fears, such as getting hurt, being rejected and feeling disrespected.</p> <p>But for an important conversation about boundaries to take place, you first need the environment for an open, honest and trusting discussion.</p> <p>Partners should feel they can talk freely and without fear about what they are comfortable with in a relationship. And, be able to discuss how they feel about a boundary their partner has proposed.</p> <h2>Clarify and discuss</h2> <p>If you’re having the boundary conversation with your partner, clarify what you mean by your boundary request and how it might work in practice. Examples can help. Understanding the nuances can help your partner decide if your boundary request is reasonable or unreasonable for them.</p> <p>Second, negotiate which boundaries are hard and which are soft. This will involve flexibility and care, so you’re not undermining your or your partner’s, freedom, mental health and wellbeing. A hard boundary is non-negotiable and can determine the fate of the relationship. A soft boundary can be modified, as long as all parties agree.</p> <p>What constitutes a healthy boundary is different for each individual and each relationship.</p> <p>Regardless, it is a conversation best had in person, not by text message (which can easily be taken out of context and misunderstood). If you really must have the discussion over text, be specific and clarify.</p> <p>Before setting boundaries, seek insight into what you want for yourself and your relationship and communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you’re fearful about how they’ll react to the discussion, that’s an issue.</p> <p>An open and honest approach can foster a productive collaboration that can strengthen relationship commitment.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209856/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Adjunct Senior Lecturer, University of Southern Queensland and Senior Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-relationship-boundary-and-how-do-i-have-the-boundary-conversation-with-my-partner-209856">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Man living in a tent after partner “gave up” on Covid restrictions

<p dir="ltr">A hyper-vigilant man has resorted to living in a “pressurised” tent in a garage to avoid contracting Covid, after his girlfriend relaxed about restrictions. </p> <p dir="ltr">The Aussie man named Jason, who is a self-proclaimed “Covid education activist” caused a stir online after he posted a photo of his unusual sleeping arrangements. </p> <p dir="ltr">The now-viral post shared by Jason featured a picture of the peculiar tent he claims to be sleeping in, with an air purifier sticking out of the door, igniting a firestorm of reactions on Twitter, ranging from agreeance, to humour, to concern.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the media storm, Jason defended his decision to maintain strict pandemic precautions, despite never having contracted Covid-19. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This is my bed in the garage because my partner has dropped precautions. I take precautions 100 per cent of the time. Don’t tell me that this hasn’t upended every f**king second of my life,” Jason declared in his original post, which included the image of his extraordinary sleeping arrangement.</p> <p dir="ltr">Taking his precautions to the next level, Jason also revealed that he has experimented with sleeping in a face mask, but he admitted that he found it uncomfortable and could not sleep properly with it. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I’ve tried to sleep in a mask, and I can’t. I know people sleep in CPAP masks all the time, so it’s possible, but I can’t do it,” he shared on Twitter.</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the flurry of reactions to Jason’s living arrangement, he did receive some support for his precautionary measures, while some even suggested Jason leave his partner, to which he admitted the thought “had occurred to me”. </p> <p dir="ltr">Another Twitter user commended the tent and air filter idea, considering it a cost-effective and potentially effective solution to avoid contracting Covid. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I like the tent+filter idea. It’s cheap and should be effective,” another agreed.</p> <p dir="ltr">A few people shared that they empathised with Jason, and are also maintaining strict pandemic precautions. </p> <p dir="ltr">One person wrote, “Initially didn’t think much of the pic, but this is infuriating. I spend all my salary in-flo mask, enovid (antiviral nasal spray), no social life, so yes, I take precautions 100 per cent of the time.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I’m sorry you have to live like this. I no longer see my family since they stopped masking,” another added.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, not everyone empathised with Jason’s living arrangements, saying he was being unrealistic about the future of Covid. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I work in senior living, and in the two years we’ve been open, we’ve lost zero to Covid. Even the (85-year-olds) getting it now are mild cases. Why? They’re boosted, so they don’t panic or sleep in a garage,” one commenter explained. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The vaccine is meant to enable you to live normally without worrying. Covid is endemic, so you will be in the tent for the rest of your life, lol.” posted another.</p> <p dir="ltr">In response to the viral post, one Twitter user humorously remarked, “We’re a few years away from a really good documentary on how this virus broke people’s brains.”</p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 18pt;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Twitter</em></p>

Real Estate

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A brief history of the mortgage, from its roots in ancient Rome to the English ‘dead pledge’ and its rebirth in America

<p>The average interest rate for a new U.S. <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/home-loan-mortgage-interest-rate-7-percent-highest-since-2001/">30-year fixed-rate mortgage topped 7% in late October 2022</a> for the first time in more than two decades. It’s a sharp increase from one year earlier, when <a href="https://www.valuepenguin.com/mortgages/historical-mortgage-rates">lenders were charging homebuyers only 3.09%</a> for the same kind of loan. </p> <p>Several factors, including <a href="https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/mortgages/fed-mortgage-rates">inflation rates and the general economic outlook</a>, influence mortgage rates. A primary driver of the ongoing upward spiral is the <a href="https://abc7chicago.com/fed-interest-rate-decision-today-hike-federal-reserve-meeting-november/12408055/">Federal Reserve’s series of interest rate hikes</a> intended to tame inflation. Its decision to increase the benchmark rate by <a href="https://www.federalreserve.gov/newsevents/pressreleases/monetary20221102a.htm">0.75 percentage points on Nov. 2, 2022</a>, to as much as 4% will propel the cost of mortgage borrowing even higher.</p> <p>Even if you have had mortgage debt for years, you might be unfamiliar with the history of these loans – a subject I cover <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=KVv47noAAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">in my mortgage financing course</a> for undergraduate business students at Mississippi State University.</p> <p>The term dates back to <a href="https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/learn/story-of-england/medieval/">medieval England</a>. But the roots of these legal contracts, in which land is pledged for a debt and will become the property of the lender if the loan is not repaid, go back thousands of years.</p> <h2>Ancient roots</h2> <p>Historians trace the <a href="https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Nehemiah-5-3/">origins of mortgage contracts</a> to the reign of King Artaxerxes of Persia, who ruled modern-day Iran in the fifth century B.C. The Roman Empire formalized and documented the legal process of pledging collateral for a loan. </p> <p>Often using the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%202%3A13-16&amp;version=NIV">forum and temples as their base of operations</a>, mensarii, which is derived from the word mensa or “bank” in Latin, would set up loans and charge <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%202%3A13-16&amp;version=NIV">borrowers interest</a>. These government-appointed public bankers required the borrower to put up collateral, whether real estate or personal property, and their agreement regarding the use of the collateral would be handled in one of three ways. </p> <p>First, the <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fiducia">Fiducia</a>, Latin for “trust” or “confidence,” required the transfer of both ownership and possession to lenders until the debt was repaid in full. Ironically, this arrangement involved no trust at all.</p> <p>Second, the <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pignus">Pignus</a>, Latin for “pawn,” allowed borrowers to retain ownership while <a href="https://scholarship.law.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=https://www.google.com/&amp;httpsredir=1&amp;article=1684&amp;context=penn_law_review">sacrificing possession and use</a> until they repaid their debts. </p> <p>Finally, the <a href="https://legaldictionary.lawin.org/hypotheca/">Hypotheca</a>, Latin for “pledge,” let borrowers retain both ownership and possession while repaying debts. </p> <h2>The living-versus-dead pledge</h2> <p><a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Claudius-Roman-emperor">Emperor Claudius</a> brought Roman law and customs to Britain in A.D. 43. Over the next <a href="https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/learn/story-of-england/romans/">four centuries of Roman rule</a> and the <a href="https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/learn/story-of-england/early-medieval/">subsequent 600 years known as the Dark Ages</a>, the British adopted another Latin term for a pledge of security or collateral for loans: <a href="https://worldofdictionary.com/dict/latin-english/meaning/vadium">Vadium</a>.</p> <p>If given as collateral for a loan, real estate could be offered as “<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vadium%20vivum">Vivum Vadium</a>.” The literal translation of this term is “living pledge.” Land would be temporarily pledged to the lender who used it to generate income to pay off the debt. Once the lender had collected enough income to cover the debt and some interest, the land would revert back to the borrower.</p> <p>With the alternative, the “<a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mortuum%20vadium">Mortuum Vadium</a>” or “dead pledge,” land was pledged to the lender until the borrower could fully repay the debt. It was, essentially, an interest-only loan with full principal payment from the borrower required at a future date. When the lender demanded repayment, the borrower had to pay off the loan or lose the land. </p> <p>Lenders would keep proceeds from the land, be it income from farming, selling timber or renting the property for housing. In effect, the land was <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/1321129.pdf">dead to the debtor</a> during the term of the loan because it provided no benefit to the borrower. </p> <p>Following <a href="https://www.royal.uk/william-the-conqueror">William the Conqueror’s victory</a> at the Battle of Hastings in 1066, the English language was heavily influenced by <a href="https://blocs.mesvilaweb.cat/subirats/the-norman-conquest-the-influence-of-french-on-the-english-language-loans-and-calques/">Norman French</a> – William’s language.</p> <p>That is how the Latin term “Mortuum Vadium” morphed into “Mort Gage,” Norman French for “dead” and “pledge.” “<a href="https://www.etymonline.com/word/mortgage">Mortgage</a>,” a <a href="https://ia600201.us.archive.org/1/items/cu31924021674399/cu31924021674399.pdf">mashup of the two words</a>, then entered the English vocabulary.</p> <h2>Establishing rights of borrowers</h2> <p>Unlike today’s mortgages, which are usually due within 15 or 30 years, English loans in the 11th-16th centuries were unpredictable. <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/1323192.pdf">Lenders could demand repayment</a> at any time. If borrowers couldn’t comply, lenders could seek a court order, and the land would be forfeited by the borrower to the lender. </p> <p>Unhappy borrowers could <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/chancery">petition the king</a> regarding their predicament. He could refer the case to the lord chancellor, who could <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Chancery-Division">rule as he saw fit</a>. </p> <p><a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Francis-Bacon-Viscount-Saint-Alban">Sir Francis Bacon</a>, England’s lord chancellor from 1618 to 1621, <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/752041">established</a> the <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/equity_of_redemption">Equitable Right of Redemption</a>.</p> <p>This new right allowed borrowers to pay off debts, even after default.</p> <p>The official end of the period to redeem the property was called <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/foreclosure">foreclosure</a>, which is derived from an Old French word that means “<a href="https://www.etymonline.com/word/foreclose">to shut out</a>.” Today, foreclosure is a legal process in which lenders to take possession of property used as collateral for a loan. </p> <h2>Early US housing history</h2> <p>The <a href="https://www.loc.gov/classroom-materials/united-states-history-primary-source-timeline/colonial-settlement-1600-1763/overview/">English colonization</a> of what’s now <a href="https://themayflowersociety.org/history/the-mayflower-compact/">the United States</a> didn’t immediately transplant mortgages across the pond. </p> <p>But eventually, U.S. financial institutions were offering mortgages.</p> <p><a href="https://www.huduser.gov/publications/pdf/us_evolution.pdf">Before 1930, they were small</a> – generally amounting to at most half of a home’s market value.</p> <p>These loans were generally short-term, maturing in under 10 years, with payments due only twice a year. Borrowers either paid nothing toward the principal at all or made a few such payments before maturity.</p> <p>Borrowers would have to refinance loans if they couldn’t pay them off.</p> <h2>Rescuing the housing market</h2> <p>Once America fell into the <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/great-depression">Great Depression</a>, the <a href="https://www.stlouisfed.org/news-releases/2008/05/02/does-the-great-depression-hold-the-answers-for-the-current-mortgage-distress">banking system collapsed</a>. </p> <p>With most homeowners unable to pay off or refinance their mortgages, the <a href="https://www.federalreservehistory.org/essays/great-depression">housing market crumbled</a>. The number of <a href="https://www.encyclopedia.com/education/news-and-education-magazines/housing-1929-1941">foreclosures grew to over 1,000 per day by 1933</a>, and housing prices fell precipitously. </p> <p>The <a href="https://www.fhfaoig.gov/Content/Files/History%20of%20the%20Government%20Sponsored%20Enterprises.pdf">federal government responded by establishing</a> new agencies to stabilize the housing market.</p> <p>They included the <a href="https://www.hud.gov/program_offices/housing/fhahistory">Federal Housing Administration</a>. It provides <a href="https://www.consumerfinance.gov/ask-cfpb/what-is-mortgage-insurance-and-how-does-it-work-en-1953/">mortgage insurance</a> – borrowers pay a small fee to protect lenders in the case of default. </p> <p>Another new agency, the <a href="https://sf.freddiemac.com/articles/insights/why-americas-homebuyers-communities-rely-on-the-30-year-fixed-rate-mortgage">Home Owners’ Loan Corp.</a>, established in 1933, bought defaulted short-term, semiannual, interest-only mortgages and transformed them into new long-term loans lasting 15 years.</p> <p>Payments were monthly and self-amortizing – covering both principal and interest. They were also fixed-rate, remaining steady for the life of the mortgage. Initially they skewed more heavily toward interest and later defrayed more principal. The corporation made new loans for three years, tending to them until it <a href="https://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,858135,00.html">closed in 1951</a>. It pioneered long-term mortgages in the U.S.</p> <p>In 1938 Congress established the Federal National Mortgage Association, better known as <a href="https://www.fanniemae.com/about-us/who-we-are/history">Fannie Mae</a>. This <a href="https://www.financial-dictionary.info/terms/government-sponsored-enterprise/">government-sponsored enterprise</a> made fixed-rate long-term mortgage loans viable <a href="https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/securitization.asp">through a process called securitization</a> – selling debt to investors and using the proceeds to purchase these long-term mortgage loans from banks. This process reduced risks for banks and encouraged long-term mortgage lending.</p> <h2>Fixed- versus adjustable-rate mortgages</h2> <p>After World War II, Congress authorized the Federal Housing Administration to insure <a href="https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CPRT-108HPRT92629/html/CPRT-108HPRT92629.htm">30-year loans on new construction</a> and, a few years later, purchases of existing homes. But then, the <a href="https://files.stlouisfed.org/files/htdocs/publications/review/69/09/Historical_Sep1969.pdf">credit crunch of 1966</a> and the years of high inflation that followed made adjustable-rate mortgages more popular.</p> <p>Known as ARMs, these mortgages have stable rates for only a few years. Typically, the initial rate is significantly lower than it would be for 15- or 30-year fixed-rate mortgages. Once that initial period ends, <a href="https://www.investopedia.com/terms/a/arm.asp">interest rates on ARMs</a> get adjusted up or down annually – along with monthly payments to lenders. </p> <p>Unlike the rest of the world, where ARMs prevail, Americans still prefer the <a href="https://sf.freddiemac.com/articles/insights/why-americas-homebuyers-communities-rely-on-the-30-year-fixed-rate-mortgage">30-year fixed-rate mortgage</a>.</p> <p>About <a href="https://data.census.gov/cedsci/table?q=DP04&amp;t=Housing">61% of American homeowners</a> have mortgages today – with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15214842.2020.1757357">fixed rates the dominant type</a>.</p> <p>But as interest rates rise, demand for <a href="https://www.corelogic.com/intelligence/interest-rates-are-up-but-arm-backed-home-purchases-are-way-up/">ARMs is growing</a> again. If the Federal Reserve fails to slow inflation and interest rates continue to climb, unfortunately for some ARM borrowers, the term “dead pledge” may live up to its name.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-brief-history-of-the-mortgage-from-its-roots-in-ancient-rome-to-the-english-dead-pledge-and-its-rebirth-in-america-193005" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Real Estate

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Don’t blame women for low libido. Sexual sparks fly when partners do their share of chores – including calling the plumber

<p>When a comic about “mental load” <a href="https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/">went viral in 2017</a>, it sparked conversations about the invisible workload women carry. Even when women are in paid employment, they remember their mother-in-law’s birthday, know what’s in the pantry and organise the plumber. This mental load often goes unnoticed.</p> <p>Women also <a href="https://theconversation.com/yet-again-the-census-shows-women-are-doing-more-housework-now-is-the-time-to-invest-in-interventions-185488">continue to do more housework</a> and childcare than their male partners.</p> <p>This burden has been exacerbated over the recent pandemic (homeschooling anyone?), <a href="https://theconversation.com/planning-stress-and-worry-put-the-mental-load-on-mothers-will-2022-be-the-year-they-share-the-burden-172599">leaving women</a> feeling exhausted, anxious and resentful.</p> <p>As sexuality researchers, we wondered, with all this extra work, do women have any energy left for sex?</p> <p>We decided to explore how mental load affects intimate relationships. We focused on female sexual desire, as “low desire” affects <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609520307566">more than 50% of women</a> and is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0091302217300079">difficult to treat</a>.</p> <p>Our study, published in the <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2022.2079111">Journal of Sex Research</a>, shows women in equal relationships (in terms of housework and the mental load) are more satisfied with their relationships and, in turn, feel more sexual desire than those in unequal relationships.</p> <p> </p> <h2>How do we define low desire?</h2> <p>Low desire is tricky to explore. More than simply the motivation to have sex, women describe sexual desire as a state-of-being and a need for closeness.</p> <p>Adding to this complexity is the fluctuating nature of female desire that changes in response to life experiences and the <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire">quality of relationships</a>.</p> <p>Relationships are especially important to female desire: relationship dissatisfaction is a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18410300/">top risk factor</a> for low desire in women, even more than the physiological impacts of age and menopause. Clearly, relationship factors are critical to understanding female sexual desire.</p> <p>As a way of addressing the complexity of female desire, a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1212-9">recent theory</a> proposed two different types of desire: dyadic desire is the sexual desire one feels for another, whereas solo desire is about individual feelings.</p> <p>Not surprisingly, dyadic desire is intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship, while solo desire is more amorphous and involves feeling good about yourself as a sexual being (feeling sexy), without needing validation from another.</p> <h2>Assessing the link</h2> <p>Our research acknowledged the nuances of women’s desire and its strong connection to relationship quality by exploring how fairness in relationships might affect desire.</p> <p>The research involved asking 299 Australian women aged 18 to 39 questions about desire and relationships.</p> <p>These questions included assessments of housework, mental load – such as who organised social activities and made financial arrangements – and who had more leisure time.</p> <p>We compared three groups:</p> <ul> <li>relationships where women perceived the work as equally shared equal (the “equal work” group)</li> <li>when the woman felt she did more work (the “women’s work” group)</li> <li>when women thought that their partner contributed more (the “partner’s work” group).</li> </ul> <p>We then explored how these differences in relationship equity impacted female sexual desire.</p> <h2>What we found</h2> <p>The findings were stark. Women who rated their relationships as equal also reported greater relationship satisfaction and higher dyadic desire (intertwined with the dynamics of the relationship) than other women in the study.</p> <p>Unfortunately (and perhaps, tellingly), the partner’s work group was too small to draw any substantial conclusions.</p> <p>However, for the women’s work group it was clear their dyadic desire was diminished. This group was also less satisfied in their relationships overall.</p> <p>We found something interesting when turning our attention to women’s solo desire. While it seems logical that relationship inequities might affect all aspects of women’s sexuality, our results showed that fairness did not significantly impact solo desire.</p> <p>This suggests women’s low desire isn’t an internal sexual problem to be treated with <a href="https://www.insider.com/guides/health/yoni-eggs#:%7E:text=Yoni%20eggs%20are%20egg%2Dshaped,bacterial%20infections%20and%20intense%20pain.">mindfulness apps and jade eggs</a>, but rather one that needs effort from both partners.</p> <p>Other relationship factors are involved. We found children increased the workload for women, leading to lower relationship equity and consequently, lower sexual desire.</p> <p> </p> <p>Relationship length also played a role. Research shows long-term relationships are <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">associated with</a> decreasing desire for women, and this is often attributed to the tedium of over-familiarity (think of the bored, sexless <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBq-Nyo0lQg">wives in 90s sitcoms</a>).</p> <p>However our research indicates relationship boredom is not the reason, with the increasing inequity over the course of a relationship often the cause of women’s disinterest in sex.</p> <p>The longer some relationships continue, the more unfair they become, lowering women’s desire. This may be because women take on managing their partner’s relationships, as well as their own (“It’s time we had your best friend over for dinner”).</p> <p>And while domestic housework may start as equally shared, over time, women <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/media-centre/media-releases/women-spent-more-time-men-unpaid-work-may">tend to do more</a> household tasks.</p> <h2>What about same-sex couples?</h2> <p>Same-sex couples have <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/fare.12293">more equitable relationships</a>.</p> <p>However, we found the same link between equity and desire for women in same-sex relationships, although it was much stronger for heteronormative couples.</p> <p>A sense of fairness within a relationship is fundamental to all women’s satisfaction and sexual desire.</p> <h2>What happens next?</h2> <p>Our findings suggest one response to low desire in women could be to address the amount of work women have to take on in relationships.</p> <p>The link between relationship satisfaction and female sexual desire has been firmly established in <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-018-1175-x">previous research</a> but our findings explain how this dynamic works: women’s sense of fairness within a relationship forecasts their contentment, which has repercussions on their desire for their partner.</p> <p>To translate our results into clinical practice, we could run trials to confirm if lowering women’s mental load results in greater sexual desire.</p> <p>We could have a “housework and mental load ban” for a sample of women reporting low sexual desire and record if there are changes in their reported levels of desire.</p> <p>Or perhaps women’s sexual partners could do the dishes tonight and see what happens.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-blame-women-for-low-libido-sexual-sparks-fly-when-partners-do-their-share-of-chores-including-calling-the-plumber-185401" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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How to tell if your partner is stealing from you

<p>Financial infidelity can take many forms and it can be devastating to a relationship. From secretive purchases to hiding debts, dishonesty about income to secret investments, it can cause significant harm to both partners. If you want to avoid becoming victims of financial infidelity, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about your finances. </p> <p>Taking responsibility for your financial health is good for your wellbeing. Whether it’s being pro-active in the face of financial infidelity or recovering the damages, being aware of the common forms and red flags can help you build strategies to move forward. Here is what you need to know.</p> <p><strong>Common financial ‘secrets’ </strong></p> <p>Money lies take several forms and they all involve secrecy, for example, buying items without informing your partner, gambling or other expenses that are unaccounted for, frivolous spending on unnecessary items, not disclosing debts or loans, and lying about how much money you make or your financial situation. </p> <p>Then there are the secret bank accounts and investing money without your partner's knowledge. Your partner may be harbouring one or many of these common financial secrets, so knowing the red flags will help you bring the dishonesty to the surface.</p> <p><strong>Signs of financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>It is important to keep an eye out for signs of financial infidelity. The red flags that will call out secretive behaviour include new credit card statements or bank accounts that you know nothing about, new items appearing in your house that you didn't buy, packages not addressed to you, new passwords on financial accounts and an unwillingness to discuss money matters. </p> <p>Your partner's behaviour is also a warning. Pay close attention to reactions that don’t seem authentic and displays of paranoia about you opening the mail – especially the bank and credit card statements.</p> <p><strong>Moving beyond financial infidelity</strong></p> <p>If you suspect your partner is guilty of financial infidelity, there are simple steps to help you both move forward. First, you will need your partner to come clean. Ask, listen, and be supportive. They may be feeling embarrassed or ashamed, and fearing judgement. </p> <p>Next, get help. Consider a professional. This could be both financial and personal – by planning a way forward together, you can re-affirm your views about money and trust in your relationship. Financial infidelity can destroy trust in your partner, so you both must be willing to work towards healing the hurt and reducing the risk of future money sins.</p> <p><strong>Make money a talking point</strong></p> <p>When it comes to financial matters, maintaining honesty and trust in your relationship can be challenging. To be on the front foot, try talking about money regularly. Normalise it. For example, talk about your bank balance, who is paying what bills, what you’d like to buy and how you plan to buy it, your savings plans, how your superfund is performing. </p> <p>Set up these conversations in advance and use them as a time to check in on your money goals. You must both feel empowered to ask money questions, so the more you make money conversations the norm, the better.</p> <p><strong>Create a personal finance village </strong></p> <p>Try adding someone to your personal finance village. Consider working with an accountant or financial advisor who can independently help you and your partner to plan open discussions in a safe manner to address your financial issues. Ask their advice on enabling ‘safe’ confessions like having a no-judgement rule for raising money sins. </p> <p>Allow yourselves the opportunity to come clean on spending and work out how best to address this going forward. This offers you the freedom of being on the same page financially and working towards the same financial goals.</p> <p>Finding yourself in a situation involving financial infidelity can be utterly devastating. Of course, the best way of addressing any kind of money cheating is to know the red flags and avoid it altogether. </p> <p>However, as this is not always the case, consider getting professional advice on working towards common financial goals so you can move forward in a positive way. Remember, communication and honesty are key to a healthy and successful financial relationship. </p> <p><strong><em>Jacqui Clarke FCA, FTI, GAICD, JP, author of Stop Worrying About Money (Wiley, $29.95), is a trusted advisor, board member, executor and veteran business executive. As a personal wealth and money management expert and over three decades of experience , 25 years at Deloitte and PWC helping high-net-worth families, individuals and business owners to build, manage and preserve their wealth. Her message is simple: with careful planning and effort, you can manage your money, so it doesn’t manage you. <a href="https://www.jacquiclarke.me/">https://www.jacquiclarke.me/</a></em></strong></p> <p><em><span style="background-color: #ffffff;">Image credits: Getty </span>Images </em></p>

Money & Banking

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The most misused word in the English language

<p>A traffic jam when you’re already late.</p> <p>A free ride when you’ve already paid.</p> <p>The fact that the King James Bible is the most shoplifted book in the United States.</p> <p>One of these three things is an example of irony – the reversal of what is expected or intended.</p> <p>The other two (no offense to Alanis Morissette) are not.</p> <p>The difference between them may be one of the most rage-inducing linguistic misunderstandings you’re likely to read about on the Internet or hear about from the determined grammar nerds in your life.</p> <p>“Ironic” does not, technically, mean “unfortunate,” “interesting” or “coincidental,” despite these terms often being used interchangeably. And that frequent misuse has not escaped linguists.</p> <p>According to the editors at <a href="http://WWW.DICTIONARY.COM">Dictionary.com</a>, “We submit that ironic might be the most abused word in the English language.”</p> <p>That’s a tough claim to prove, but it’s clear that confusion over the definition of irony is persistent and decades old.</p> <p>“Irony” makes Harvard linguist Steven Pinker’s <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/the-58-most-commonly-misused-words-and-phrases-a6754551.html">list</a> of the 58 most commonly misused words in English, and ranks in the top 1 percent of all word lookups on Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary.</p> <p>Even Great Gatsby author F. Scott Fitzgerald got it wrong, some say, when he claimed in 1939, “It is an ironic thought that the last picture job I took yielded me five thousand dollars five hundred and cost over four thousand in medical attention.” </p> <p>So what does irony mean, really, and where does the confusion come from?</p> <p>Part of the ambiguity probably stems from the fact that there are no fewer than three definitions of irony depending on which dictionary you use.</p> <p>There’s Socratic irony (an ancient rhetorical move), and dramatic irony (an ancient theatrical move), but the definition of irony we care about – and the kind that’s most bitterly debated ­– is situational irony.</p> <p>Situational irony occurs when, as the Oxford English Dictionary defines it, “a state of affairs or an event… seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often wryly amusing as a result”. </p> <p>The trick, according to purists, is the deliberately contrary part – for a situation to be ironic, it must be the opposite of what is expected, not merely an amusing coincidence.</p> <p>A traffic jam when you’re already late may be an undesirable coincidence, but it is not the opposite outcome one would expect when leaving for work late (especially if that person lives in a major city).</p> <p>In an article titled <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/post/229130/lines-from-alanis-morissettes-ironic-modified-to-actually-make-them-ironic">Lines From Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic,” Modified to Actually Make them Ironic</a>, College Humor writer Patrick Cassels corrects the situation like this: “A traffic jam when you’re already late… to receive an award from the Municipal Planning Board for reducing the city’s automobile congestion 80 per cent.” Now that’s irony.</p> <p>Not every linguist goes by this limited view, though.</p> <p>Ever the champions of fluid language growth, Merriam Webster <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irony">argues</a> that Mr. Fitzgerald, Ms. Morissette, and anyone else who uses “ironic” to mean “coincidental” isn’t actually wrong, but is actually just trailblazing.</p> <p>“The word irony has come to be applied to events that are merely curious or coincidental,” the editors write, “and while some feel this is an incorrect use of the word, it is merely a new one.”</p> <p>Now isn’t that something.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>Written by Brandon Specktor. This article first appeared in <a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/our-language/most-misused-word-english-language">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestsubscribe?utm_source=readersdigest&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;utm_medium=display&amp;keycode=WRA85S">here’s our best subscription offer</a>.</em></p>

Retirement Life

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The surprising stories of how these 10 words came to be

<p>Ever hear or read a word and think, “where on earth did that come from?” Well, for the etymologists of the world, that’s exactly what they try to figure out. In a post on online forum <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4tqrix/etymologists_of_reddit_what_is_your_favorite/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Reddit</span></strong></a>, user russellbeard asked, “Etymologists of Reddit, what is your favourite story of how a word came to be?” The community delivered, and some of what we learnt was very interesting indeed. Here are 10 of our favourites.</p> <ol> <li>The Latin prefix “pen-” comes from the word “paene”, meaning “almost”. Therefore, a “peninsula” is almost an island and something that is “penultimate” is almost last.</li> <li>“Muscle” is derived from the Latin word “musculus”, which means “little mouse”. Physicians used the term after noticing the muscles in the biceps and calves look like little mice running under the skin.</li> <li>“Daisy” comes from the Old English term “day’s eye”, since the flower is open during the day and closes at night.</li> <li>The words “traitor” and “tradition” have the same root as they both denote something being handed over.</li> <li>“Eavesdropping” is named after people who used to spy on their enemies from rooves with wide eaves to listen to their conversations.</li> <li>“An apron” actually used be “a napron”.</li> <li>People often break “helicopter” into “heli-” and “-copter” to make new words like “helipad” and “newscopter”, but it really should be broken into “helico-”, which means “spiral” or “helix” and “-pter” which means “wing”. In fact, that’s why pterodactyl starts with a p.</li> <li>“Sinister” is actually the Latin word meaning “left”. It was given the connotation of “evil” because left-handed people were historically blamed for being demonic and villainous.</li> <li>The word “dunce” comes from the medieval philosopher Johannes Duns Scotus. His enemies disagreed so strongly with his theories that they turned his name into an insult 200 years after he had died. He was, in fact, an incredibly smart man and well known for his debating abilities.</li> <li>“Uppercase” and “lowercase” are named as such because in the days of hand printing, capital letters and lowercase letters were literally kept in different cases.</li> </ol> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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Body language expert weighs in on Prince George

<p>Prince George has stunned fans by stepping out ahead of his family during the annual Easter Sunday service at St George's Chapel in Windsor Castle.</p> <p>9-year-old George was accompanied by his parents - the Prince and Princess of Wales - and his siblings, seven-year-old Princess Charlotte and four-year-old Prince Louis. And while in 2022 the young royal stood between her parents as they made their way into the service, all eyes were on George in 2023 when he took the lead and strode a step ahead of them. </p> <p>And now, body language expert Judi James - who took note of George at both the 2021 and 2022 services as well - has spoken to<em> The Daily Mail </em>about what she believes the 9-year-old’s new “grown-up dynamic” means - both for himself, and the future of the British royal family. </p> <p>“At this Easter service there was a status step-up from George, who walked ahead to lead his family into the service,” she explained, “showing a newly grown-up dynamic from the five Wales’ when it comes to royal outings.</p> <p>“George used to be the one holding his father’s hand and looking rather timid, but here it was Charlotte walking in alongside William, while Kate held Louis’s hand beside them.”</p> <p>Judi went on to note that even this line-up “had its own upgrade”, outlining how Charlotte had appeared to check in on her younger brother, before sharing “a beam of pride at his impeccable behaviour.”</p> <p>“On the way out of the service it was Charlotte mirroring her mother, walking beside Kate and offering her own shy wave to the crowds in a gesture that showed who she takes her own lead from,” she continued. </p> <p>“Louis was a very different boy from the playful, fidgety young royal <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/news/news/adorable-prince-louis-upstages-entire-royal-family" target="_blank" rel="noopener">we saw at the Jubilee</a>. Walking beside Kate he looked serious and confident, offering a level stare at the crowds of fans and well-wishers, who seemed to have saved a special cheer for this mother and son duo.</p> <p>“Kate looked down at Louis with a grin of pride before smiling back up at the crowd, as though sharing her admiration for his grown-up behaviour. Louis even appeared to look down to straighten his tie as he entered the chapel.”</p> <p>Judi circled back to George while discussing the family leaving the service, noting that George was the first to exit, and that he demonstrated initiative when he set out “shaking hands without any prompting.”</p> <p>Meanwhile, many fans just couldn’t believe how quickly the young royal had grown before their very eyes, taking to social media in the wake of the service to voice their surprise. </p> <p>“How grown up does Prince George look today?” wrote one. </p> <p>“Can't believe how much Prince George has grown up,” said another. “He will be as tall as Prince William soon.”</p> <p>“It has been wonderful to see him grow in confidence as well as height,” someone agreed.</p> <p>Another noted that George bore a strong resemblance to Charles Spencer, and that the “Spencer genes are currently running strong.”</p> <p>While others couldn’t forget the rest, declaring “​​Princess Charlotte &amp; Prince Louis too! They are so adorable!”</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Family & Pets

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‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ and other Oscars 2023 films show a trend towards linguistic realism in Hollywood

<p>At the 95th Academy Awards, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/mar/13/daniel-kwan-and-daniel-scheinert-win-best-director-oscar-for-everything-everywhere-all-at-once">Daniel Scheinert and Daniel Kwan’s</a> Everything Everywhere All at Once took home <a href="https://variety.com/2023/awards/awards/everything-everywhere-all-at-once-oscars-record-1235544633/">wins in acting, editing and directing categories, and also won the coveted best picture</a> award.</p> <p>The quirky and expansive sci-fi action film is famed for its absurdist take on the idea of a multiverse, yet it is still grounded in realness and humanity: In one masterfully choreographed scene in Everything Everywhere, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2wID9_FFD0">three languages are spoken by three generations of one chaotic immigrant family</a> over dinner.</p> <p>As a linguist, I am interested in how screenwriters and directors use language in film to <a href="https://books.google.ca/books/about/Multilingualism_in_the_Movies.html?id=hfhclpshb8UC&redir_esc=y">do much more than just convey dialogue</a>: Language and subtitles also provide characterization, establish the tone of a scene and ground fictional stories in reality.</p> <p>Increasing use of non-English languages and subtitles demonstrates both a trend toward linguistic realism in Hollywood and also broader acceptance of linguistic diversity in a globalized society.</p> <figure></figure> <p>But filmmakers must negotiate the tension between narrative goals and audience engagement. By <a href="https://www.routledge.com/English-with-an-Accent-Language-Ideology-and-Discrimination-in-the-United/Lippi-Green/p/book/9780415559119">examining different ideologies held by filmmakers and audiences alike</a>, we can also still sometimes find long-standing associations between foreign language and villainy.</p> <h2>Languages breaking through</h2> <p>As South Korean filmmaker <a href="https://www.cjenm.com/en/news/director-bong-joonhos-parasite-wins-the-best-foreign-language-film-at-the-77th-golden-globe-awards/">Bong Joon-ho</a> described in his <a href="https://variety.com/2020/film/awards/south-koreas-parasite-crashes-the-subtitles-barrier-1203488979/">Golden Globes acceptance speech for 2019’s Parasite</a>, when audiences move past the “one-inch tall barrier of subtitles” a richer world of film awaits.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0963947013519551">Telling authentic stories</a> in a modern, globalized and multicultural world means fairly portraying the languages spoken and signed all throughout our society. Hence, at times, the need for subtitles.</p> <p>In another scene in Everything Everywhere, spoken language is eschewed altogether: Two rocks converse silently while gazing over a barren canyon, with black and white subtitles appearing on a bright blue sky. This simple yet <a href="https://twitter.com/Refinery29/status/1635118157206794243">emotionally resonant scene</a> was somehow enough to <a href="https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/everything-everywhere-all-at-once-review">move many viewers to tears</a>.</p> <p>Although <a href="https://ew.com/movies/movie-reviews/tar-cate-blanchett-todd-field-nina-hoss/">Todd Field’s Tár</a> did not clinch any Oscar wins this year, star Cate Blanchett notched multiple <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/full-winners-list-golden-globes-2023">other acting awards</a> <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2023/01/awards-insider-critics-choice-awards-2023-winners">for her role</a> as the titular orchestra conductor. In some of the film’s best scenes, the maestro uses only German during orchestra rehearsals and subtitles are dropped completely.</p> <p>Non-Germanophone audiences might not understand the words Blanchett says, but they are instead encouraged to focus on the visual aspects of the character’s communication: her facial expressions, physical tics and tremors and the building tension, both visible and audible, between her ego and everyone around her.</p> <p>The Oscar performance of “Naatu Naatu,” from the Indian <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-64935389">Telugu-language blockbuster</a> <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-64935389">RRR</a>, which received a standing ovation, was evidence that performances can cross language boundaries by leaning into creative elements far beyond words.</p> <h2>Two sides of language representation</h2> <p>The flip side of positive aspects of linguistic representation is that filmmakers, free to use the tool of multilingualism to provide characterization and establish tone, and even to showcase threatened languages, are also free to use it to entrench certain linguistic stereotypes, namely the association between foreignness and villainy.</p> <p>The <a href="https://screenrant.com/black-panther-wakanda-forever-talokan-lore-phase-5-complicated/">warriors of the underwater Talokan kingdom</a> in Ryan Coogler’s Black Panther: Wakanda Forever never speak a word of English. In this Marvel Cinematic Universe story, the fictional kingdom of Atlantis was <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-mesoamerican-influences-behind-namor-from-black-panther-wakanda-forever-180981106">repositioned as a Mesoamerican-inspired society</a>.</p> <p>The <a href="https://globalvoices.org/2023/01/05/indigenous-and-proud-a-maya-speakers-reaction-to-black-panther-wakanda-forever/">language of Talokan is the real-world language of Yucatec Maya</a>, spoken by Indigenous people in present-day <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Yucatec-language">Guatemala, Belize and southern Mexico</a>.</p> <h2>Sharing an Indigenous language</h2> <p>Yucatec Maya is stigmatized and marginalized in the geographic areas where it is traditionally spoken, one of the <a href="https://theconversation.com/in-mexico-how-erasing-black-history-fuels-anti-black-racism-175315">long-lasting consequences of colonization</a>.</p> <p>But Coogler’s creative decision to use Yucatec Maya as the language of Talokan, as well as to borrow heavily from Mayan and Aztec cultures for <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/black-panther-wakanda-forever-ruth-e-carter-oscar-costume-design-1235349112/">visual inspiration</a>, has delighted some <a href="https://globalvoices.org/2023/01/05/indigenous-and-proud-a-maya-speakers-reaction-to-black-panther-wakanda-forever/">Maya-speaking Indigenous moviegoers</a> who say they saw their culture represented and are happy to see the language widely shared.</p> <p>Two strong minor characters, Namora and Attuma, speak only in Yucatec Maya throughout the entire movie, with English subtitles in an elegant blue script.</p> <h2>Archetypes of antagonism?</h2> <p>Yet, these characters are the primary villains of the story, portrayed as powerful and physically otherworldly. Thus, while the characters are not one-dimensional, their language seems to narratively underscore certain archetypes of antagonism, beyond simply showcasing a real Indigenous language of the world.</p> <p>This is especially noticeable when contrasted with the protagonists, the mostly-anglophone Wakandans. Although the <a href="https://screenrant.com/black-panther-movie-wakanda-language-xhosa-explained">language of Wakanda is the real-world language of Xhosa</a>, spoken in South Africa, in Wakanda Forever, it was mostly relegated to greetings and asides. Instead, the protagonists speak a kind of pan-African accented English. Unlike in James Cameron’s <a href="https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/avatar-the-way-of-water-vfx-oscar-2023-1235343383/">Avatar: The Way of Water</a>, viewers are never explicitly told that what the audience hears has been “translated” for us.</p> <h2>Refreshing to see, hear more languages</h2> <p>In Avatar, which took the <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment/oscars-2023-all-the-kiwis-nominated-at-the-academy-awards-this-year/G7PU6REBKFDRVLTOTUZJ4TEM4A/">Oscar for best visual effects,</a> the protagonists all speak Na'vi, the language of <a href="https://gamerant.com/avatar-creation-human-navi-hybrids-explained/">the species living across</a> the fictional Pandora.</p> <p>Most of the language has been “translated” in the mind of the narrator, Jake Sully. In a neat expositional trick, the main character narrates the beginning of the film and explains that he learned the alien language well enough that it just sounds like English to him.</p> <p>This way, audiences won’t have to read for the entire film, and the heroes (and actors) can speak only English without sacrificing the “realism” of the science-fictional universe.</p> <p>It has been refreshing to see, <a href="https://mashable.com/article/minari-korean-language">in recent years</a>, many productions in film achieve critical and commercial success in the anglophone world despite being in non-English languages and <a href="https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/movies/story/2021-03-04/sound-of-metal-deaf-actors-chelsea-lee-jeremy-lee-stone">using subtitles</a>. There’s much more room for films to highlight both linguistic diversity as well as authentic characterization of characters who speak and sign without resorting to potentially harmful tropes.</p> <p>And I’m sure audiences wouldn’t mind hearing more Na'vi in Avatar 3.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Getty</em></p>

Movies

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Body language expert reveals three major turn off signs

<p>In the age of online dating and social distancing, many have fallen out of practise with the art of reading body language. </p> <p>But have no fear, whether you’re brand new to the world of dating or dipping your toes back in, an expert in the matter has shared her tips and tricks on how to tell you’re giving someone the ‘ick’.</p> <p>Professional counsellor and psychotherapist Adrianne Carter took to her <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@adriannefacewhisperer?lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">popular TikTok account</a> - where she regularly shares such advice - to teach her audience what she believed would best help them in their pursuit of love, and in avoiding an uninterested other half. </p> <p>Adrianne launched into her all important list by informing listeners that the first sign someone can show they aren’t interested is by creating distance. </p> <p>She explained how they might simply lean away, or even move something - like a menu on a dinner date - to create a physical barrier. </p> <p>“A really simple rule for dates,” she said, “is when someone is leaning in, getting closer to you, it’s probably going well.”</p> <p>Next up, and perhaps one of the most obvious signs that many will miss, is their facial expression. </p> <p>“Generally when someone is giving you the ick you will be scrunching up your nose slightly,” Adrianne explained. “When someone doesn’t like someone or has the ick, you will see that nose wrinkling in disgust.</p> <p>“There will be lots of those expressions, but short flashes of them, it won’t be obvious, but if you look for the signs they will be there.”</p> <p>And circling back to her first point, she added, “when we are interested in someone, we lean in. If someone doesn’t like you, or doesn’t fancy you, they are more likely to make more space between you and them.” </p> <p>“Use it as a warning from your body,” she advised. “If I lean back I am not interested in them - your body will always tell you.”</p> <p>Adrianne’s third sign comes in the form of eye contact. </p> <p>“Creating lasting eye contact is important,” she stated, before noting that it’s equally as important not to give too much, and people should be aiming for anywhere between 60 to 70 per cent. </p> <p>“If you do more that can become too intense and aggressive,” was her reason. “It comes across a bit needy like you are waiting for a reaction.”</p> <p>On a related note, she mentioned that prospective daters are likely to try their hand at ‘peacocking’, participating in the act of wearing or doing something extravagant in a bid to be noticed. Something like playing with your hair, or rolling up your sleeves, can be a sure sign that you’re trying to grab someone’s attention, and vice versa.</p> <p>Another move someone might pull to let you know they’d like a second date? The “eyebrow flash”, as Adrianne calls it. </p> <p>“If you want to know if someone likes you and they’re not giving you constant eye contact, watch for this,” she said. “A double eye flash is where someone looks away, looks again and looks again. It is very revealing, it means the person is interested.”</p> <p>She noted that this last manoeuvre isn’t limited just to dating, with people likely to see it in all areas of their life to demonstrate interest, and that like all good things, it should be accompanied with a smile.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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Love languages are hugely popular – but there’s very little evidence they exist at all

<p>Love languages – the concept coined by Baptist pastor Gary Chapman some 30 years ago – has taken the relationships world by storm. It’s often the “go-to” topic on first dates, and for those in relationships love languages are said to provide deep, meaningful and reliable insights into how relationships function. Putting love languages into action is believed to increase relationship happiness.</p> <p>The concept clearly has appeal. At last count, 20 million copies have been sold worldwide of Chapman’s 1992 book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. The book has been translated into 49 languages.</p> <p>There is only one catch. There is little evidence to support the idea that love languages are “a thing”, or that love languages do much of anything to help improve relationships.</p> <h2>What are the love languages?</h2> <p>According to <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;id=j6d2EAAAQBAJ&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PT9&amp;dq=chapman+(1992)+the+five+love+languages&amp;ots=nDeGjK61-3&amp;sig=cBkMcFvfus9SdjVo7_XMWwCSQdo#v=onepage&amp;q=chapman%20(1992)%20the%20five%20love%20languages&amp;f=false">Chapman</a>, there are five love languages. Each of these love languages is a way to communicate your love to your romantic partner.</p> <p>In his role as a Baptist pastor, Chapman had been counselling couples for years. It was through his observations of couples that the idea of love languages was born. </p> <p>He believed love languages were an intuitive and simple way to teach couples about how to tune into each other’s ways of expressing love. And so, he began running seminars for husbands and wives, and the popularity of his seminars grew. </p> <p>The five love languages are: </p> <p>(1) acts of service (doing something that helps a partner, such as running an errand)</p> <p>(2) physical touch (demonstrating physical affection, such as giving your partner a hug or kiss)</p> <p>(3) quality time (spending time together and giving each other undivided attention)</p> <p>(4) gifts (giving your partner a present that communicates thoughtfulness, effort, and/or expense)</p> <p>(5) words of affirmation (such as expressing your admiration, or complimenting your partner). </p> <p>Chapman suggests that people typically use all love languages, but that most people tend to rely on one love language most of the time. This is referred to as a person’s primary love language. </p> <p>According to Chapman, people are more satisfied in their relationships when both partners match when it comes to their primary love language. However, people experience less satisfaction in their relationships when both partners do not share the same primary love language. </p> <p>Another important aspect of the love languages concept is that relationships are likely to deliver the greatest satisfaction when a person can understand their partner’s love language, and act in ways that “speaks to” their partner’s language. In essence, this idea is about tuning in to what a partner wants. </p> <p>This is an idea that has existed across many models and theories about how relationships function well. That is, responding to a partner in a way that meets their needs and wants makes a person feel <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X16300884">understood, validated, and cared for</a>.</p> <h2>What does the evidence tell us?</h2> <p>Despite the popularity of the theory of love languages, only a handful of studies have been conducted and reported over the past 30 years. Research is largely inconclusive, although the balance sways more towards refuting rather than endorsing the love languages concept.</p> <p>Let’s start with how love languages are assessed. In popular culture, the <a href="https://5lovelanguages.com/">Love Language QuizTM</a> is an online questionnaire that people can complete to find out about their love languages. Despite millions of individuals having taken the quiz (according to 5lovelanguages.com), there are no published findings as to the reliability and validity of the measure. </p> <p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17464090500535822">Researchers</a> have developed their own version of the love languages survey, but the findings did not meet the statistical thresholds to suggest the survey adequately captured the five love languages. Also, their findings did not support the idea that there are five love languages.</p> <p>Furthermore, a qualitative study in which <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08934215.2022.2113549?src=recsys">researchers</a> coded the written responses of undergraduate students to questions about how they express love, suggested there may be six love languages. However, the researchers reported difficulty agreeing on how some of the students’ responses neatly fitted into Chapman’s love languages, particularly in the categories of “words of affirmation” and “quality time”. </p> <p>Next, let’s turn to research testing a core premise of the love language theory: that couples with matching love languages experience greater satisfaction than those who do not. Evidence for this premise is very mixed.</p> <p>Three <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12182">studies</a>, including <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-53018-004">one</a> that used Chapman’s Love Language Quiz, have found that couples with matching love languages were no more satisfied than couples who were mismatched. </p> <p>However, a more recent <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0269429#sec006">study</a> found that partners with matching love languages experienced greater relationship and sexual satisfaction than partners with mismatched love languages. This research also found that men who reported greater empathy and perspective-taking had a love language that better matched the language of their partner.</p> <p>Finally, what does the research say about whether having a better understanding of your partner’s love language is linked to higher relationship satisfaction? Only <a href="https://www.proquest.com/openview/33e5ad9d94f22e2e3ed60d20094eec27/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&amp;cbl=18750&amp;diss=y">two</a> studies have investigated this question. Both <a href="https://www.proquest.com/openview/0e7114482de1edf3625039e63b72e678/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&amp;cbl=18750&amp;diss=y">found</a> that knowing your partner’s primary love language did predict relationship satisfaction in the present or into the future.</p> <p>So, as you can see, not only is there very little research investigating love languages, but the research to date doesn’t strengthen belief in the powerful properties of love languages.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/love-languages-are-hugely-popular-but-theres-very-little-evidence-they-exist-at-all-198065" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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Body language expert goes to TOWN on Harry and Meghan doc

<p dir="ltr">A body language expert has weighed in on Prince Harry and Meghan after part one of their Netflix documentary dropped.</p> <p dir="ltr">Louise Mahler, an Australian body language expert, told <em>The Morning Show</em> that it was obvious that Harry was “embarrassed” of Meghan during one of the interviews.</p> <p dir="ltr">She spoke of the scene where Meghan explained how she wasn’t aware that she would have to curtsy to Queen Elizabeth II when meeting her.</p> <p dir="ltr">“How do you explain that you bow to your grandmother and that you will need to curtsy - especially to an American, like that’s weird,” Harry said on the show.</p> <p dir="ltr">Meghan then began to rant to say how it was “mediaeval” to curtsy to someone, before mocking the Royal Family’s tradition.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty,” she said as she pretended to curtsy while sitting next to her husband.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It was so intense,” she said with a throwaway remark.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, social media has been full of close-ups of Prince Harry’s reaction as his wife mocked his grandmother, with Ms Mahler confirming the “uncomfortable” position he was in.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He looked incredibly, I don’t know, uncomfortable. There was something - see how he’s sort of watching her and he looks off to the side. I don’t know, there was something really awkward about the way he looked at her in this story - and then he looks down,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I would adore him to do more of those looks.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He’s not a theatre person at all.... the whole story about the curtsy was disrespectful.</p> <p dir="ltr">“If you went to a different country with a different culture - say Japan - and they said you had to bow, you would not make fun of that bow. You would see it as a creative opportunity.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I think he was definitely embarrassed in that moment - and one of the few moments he was embarrassed and I think he should be embarrassed a lot more.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Twitter users exploded at Meghan’s mockery of the late Monarch and also pointed out Harry’s discomfort.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Whoa. Harry really didn’t like the curtsy mocking,” one person wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Why is it ok for Meghan to mock our culture in this way? Or does racism only work one way?” British columnist Sarah Vine questioned.</p> <p dir="ltr">“This is the moment that Meghan describes meeting the late Queen Elizabeth for the first time and how she did not understand why she needed to curtsy to Harry‘s grandmother… He looks a little uncomfortable about the whole thing,” presenter Chris Ship wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“This is just nasty and unbecoming. Meghan looks like a school bully,” journalist and broadcaster Benjamin Butterworth wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Netflix</em></p>

TV

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We can pretty accurately tell when a human or dog is happy, but not so much with aggression

<p>Humans are terrible at understanding aggressive characteristics in dogs — and unfortunately, in other humans.</p> <p>Being able to correctly interpret social interactions is an important skill that allows humans to react appropriately in different situations.</p> <p>But, research from the Dog Studies Research group at the Max Planck Institute for Geoanthropology in Germany shows while we’re generally clued in to distinguishing the nature of social interactions between children, dogs, and monkeys, we suck at identifying negative behaviour in dogs and humans.</p> <p>Researchers presented 96 adults with short video clips of aggressive, neutral, and playful interactions between two individuals in three different species: human children, dogs, and macaques.</p> <p>The clips included clues, such as body postures and facial expressions, but ended before the interaction took place.</p> <p>Half the study participants were asked to categorise the interaction as aggressive, neutral, or playful, while the other half were asked to predict the outcome from three sentences prepared by the experimenters describing the three possible outcomes.</p> <p>The researchers found that people performed better than chance for both tasks, even without prior experiences with the non-human species.</p> <p>They selected the correct choice of the three outcomes in 50–80% of interactions and were most accurate in categorising playful interactions, which they correctly identified 70% of the time.</p> <p>This wasn’t the case for predicting aggressive outcomes in humans and in pooches in particular. Participants rated aggressive contexts among dogs at chance level, and predicted outcomes below chance level.</p> <p>“It is possible that we are biased to assume good intentions from other humans and from ‘man’s best friend’,” says first author Dr Theresa Epperlein the DogStudies Research group in the Max Planck Institute for Geoanthropology, Germany.</p> <p>“Perhaps this bias prevents us from recognising aggressive situations in these species.”  </p> <p>“Our results underscore the fact that social interactions can often be ambiguous and suggest that accurately predicting outcomes may be more advantageous than categorising emotional contexts,” adds senior author Dr Juliane Bräuer, DogStudies Research Group Leader.</p> <p>The research has been <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0277783" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">published</a> in the journal <em>PLOS ONE</em>.</p> <p><img id="cosmos-post-tracker" style="opacity: 0; height: 1px!important; width: 1px!important; border: 0!important; position: absolute!important; z-index: -1!important;" src="https://syndication.cosmosmagazine.com/?id=227826&amp;title=We+can+pretty+accurately+tell+when+a+human+or+dog+is+happy%2C+but+not+so+much+with+aggression" width="1" height="1" data-spai-target="src" data-spai-orig="" data-spai-exclude="nocdn" /></p> <div id="contributors"> <p><em><a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/people/human-dogs-aggressive/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">This article</a> was originally published on Cosmos Magazine and was written by Imma Perfetto.</em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p> </div>

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